Indelible Love - Emily's Story Read online

  “Hi.” I managed a whisper.

  Right at this moment, almost as though it were timed, Jake walked over, put his arms around me, and forced his lips on mine. My cheeks grew hotter by the length of his kiss. I heard Sarah make some saucy comment about our public display of affection.

  “What was that?” I whispered when he finally let go.

  “Payback.” Minus the smile, it sounded like a threat. “Why did you run away and leave me with those women?”

  After the shock of the embrace wore off, I started to laugh. Even with Max and Jennifer standing two footsteps away, my only thoughts were on Jake and the awkward situation I had created for him with my former roommates.

  “You didn’t like my friends? I’m sure they liked you.” I laughed at him.

  “I missed you. Don’t leave my side tonight. I don’t want to be apart from you, okay?”

  I agreed to his request by nodding my head yes.

  “I’m sorry,” Jake spoke glancing at our broken conversation. “Was I interrupting something?”

  “No... Um, this is Max. Max, this is Jake. As I introduced the past to the present, I saw Max’s disconcerted face as he greeted Jake. Obviously none of our friends had mentioned to him I was seeing someone. Funny. Everyone mentioned to me the moment Max had started dating Jennifer.

  “Hi. It’s nice to meet you, Max.” As Jake greeted Max, my eyes darted back and forth stealing glances at both men. I didn’t know who I was most nervous for – me, Jake, or Max. Nor, could I figure out what gave away my anxiety more - my twitching body or the hitched breath.

  “Nice meeting you too,” Max stammered to let out the rest of his sentence. “And this is my girlfriend, Jennifer.”

  Girlfriend. Max might as well have taken a whack at my heart with a baseball bat. I didn’t think such an innocuous word could bruise me so severely. How could he have dated her so quickly after our breakup? I hurt watching Max hold another girl’s hand. That was my place and he was my love. All the painful feelings I worked hard to suppress in the last eighteen months resurfaced.

  Jake was quick to understand my distress. He cordially said good bye for us while I tried to act as normal as possible. After my confession to Jake last night, he knew how hard this was for me. Sensing my withdrawal he stopped me and held me close to his heart. I was grateful for this understanding man.

  “You okay?” He didn’t ask in any accusatory way but I noticed he was holding back his own discomfort. The gentle look, the soothing tone, he calmed me and I decided to let go of my hurt – at least for now.

  “Yes. I’m okay. Are you sorry you came tonight? Isn’t this what you didn’t want to see – me being rattled by the sight of Max and his new girlfriend?”

  “You seemed more rattled by watching the rest of our reactions. Emily, seeing you anxious doesn’t make me happy and I have to apologize to you for my behavior last night. There was no reason for me to be so angry and I definitely shouldn’t have walked out on you and our dinner. I’m alright seeing you and Max together. Can we let this go for now and have a long overdue talk when this function is over?”

  I answered yes with a light kiss to his lips. Jake was an amazing man. Bypassing his own pain of seeing me hurt over Max, he did his best to lessen my discomfiture. Without a doubt this man cared for me deeply. To show him my appreciation I chose to put aside my feelings and enjoy the rest of the night with him.

  Spotting Peter, I said, “Let’s go meet some of my friends. I see them at our table. One more thing…” I had to confess, “Max and Jennifer are at our table. I hope you don’t mind. Sarah and Charlie thought it would be funny to have us all together. I’m sorry.” I didn’t bother hiding my annoyance with the two of them.

  “I’ll have a talk with them when I run into them later tonight,” Jake added in an intimidating way which made me laugh. “You sure everything is okay?”

  “It is now,” I answered confidently knowing Jake would protect me tonight.

  “Peter!” The friend I most wanted to see since the break up jumped out of his seat and hugged me. “I’ve missed you so much!”

  “Where have you been? We see each other every day for four years and then you go AWOL on me the last year and a half? If I didn’t know better, I would have thought that you’ve been avoiding me and the whole gang.”

  “Peter, I want you to meet my date. This is Jake.”

  “Jake, this is Peter, my friend, my quasi brother.”

  “It’s nice meeting you, Jake. When did you and Emily start dating? She never told anyone she was seeing someone.” Peter looked at me in an accusing way. I hadn’t called Peter in such a long time; of course he’d have no idea I was dating anyone.

  “Emily and I started dating a couple of months ago.”

  “Oh, that’s not very long.” He sounded strangely relieved.

  “No, I wish we could see more of each other but due to my work schedule we date when possible. If I could, I’d spend every day with her,” he replied sending a wink my way.

  Having been stood up so many times due to work, I mouthed, “I don’t believe you” and shook my head.

  He grabbed me and embraced me in front of everyone, then whispered, “I’d spend every waking and sleeping moment with you if it were possible.”

  Peter looked uncomfortable and surprised. I probably looked alarmed.

  “What do you do?” Peter asked.

  “I’m a doctor over at General Hospital.”

  Peter’s face lit up as he was a second year med student himself. Both guys talked shop while I untangled myself from Jake’s arms and strolled over to the other tables to talk to my friends.

  No sooner had I said hello, when I saw Jake walking over as the emcee called a first dance before dinner. He led me to the dance floor and Sarah and Charlie waltzed over to us.

  “Hey, Jake.”

  “I don’t know if I should be saying hello to the both of you for putting us at the same table as Max and Jennifer. Are you trying to help us or tear us apart?” Jake kidded with Charlie and Sarah. We had double dated enough for Jake to know Sarah and Charlie would never mean any harm to us. They all liked and respected each other.

  “We were only trying to show you off to Max,” Sarah said to Jake. “I want him to know Emily is doing very well without him.”

  “Sounds great to me,” Jake responded enthusiastically.

  “Great… thanks,” I answered unenthusiastically.

  Pulling me close, Jake and I danced a very slow dance. Our bodies moved to the rhythm of the music and I lost myself in his graceful lead. He began to hum the music in my ear and I could feel his mouth slowly brushing the back of my neck, moving towards my jaw and traveling to my tender lips. I quivered ever so slightly when his lips touched mine. In our handful of dates, we’d only shared a few heated kisses. Our chemistry felt different tonight. I understood his intentions. He wanted to progress in more ways than just emotionally. Right as the kiss deepened, his pager went off and broke our embrace.

  With critical eyes I glared at him. He had done this to me too many times – left me in the middle of dinners, brunches and weekend trips.

  He looked back at me, guilty as charged. “Damn! Not again,” he groaned.

  I had to laugh. Otherwise, I’d start to cry. Even before he left for his call, I knew the scenario. Some emergency occurred where they needed him. He’d have no choice but to go in and I’d be alone for the night.

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ll meet you back at the table,” I said.

  I tried to walk away but Peter came out of nowhere and offered to finish the dance with me.

  I nodded a puzzled acceptance.

  “Emily, have you seen Max tonight?”

  Hesitantly I nodded my head yes.

  “Have you talked to him since last June?”

  “No. What would we have to talk about, his new girlfriend?”

  Peter heard the anger in my voice but couldn’t help himself.

  “I can’t believ
e you two aren’t together anymore.”

  “Peter, it’s been over for a year and a half. Why bring this up, now? He… I mean we… have moved on. What part of this confuses you?” Peter, being Max’s best friend, should have had better sense than to leave our status as a question mark. Who would understand the situation better than he?

  “Emily, it’s not as simple as you think. Max didn’t just let go of you as easily as you make yourself believe.”

  “Pete, regardless of what you say to me, the fact remains he broke up with me on graduation night, and then started dating a new girl within a month of our breakup. I don’t know how else to decipher what happened last June.” As soon as I finished saying this, I saw Peter moving us towards Max and Jennifer. He turned to Max and asked if he could dance with Jennifer and all three of our faces had the same look of panic.

  “Peter, what are you doing?” I asked indignantly.

  “I think you two should talk. Sorry, Jennifer. They have a few things they need to work out,” he said this while handing me over to Max and taking Jennifer’s hand.

  Frightened, our heartbeats danced much quicker than our feet. Our bodies hadn’t been this close in a long time. They seem to have missed each other regardless of our consent. Though I worried about Jake’s response if he saw us together, there was no denying I had missed Max. No matter how weak the feeling, it hadn’t disappeared. Four years couldn’t erase Max’s absence despite Jake’s presence in my life. Perhaps, it was wiser to admit Max would always be a part of my heart.

  The dance continued. Max didn’t say a word but before long I felt his body pull toward mine as I unwittingly pushed toward his. Max’s chin leaned oh so slightly on the top of my head and his arms curved around my body and embraced me longingly. I closed my eyes and briefly imagined the sweet times we danced like this.

  Suddenly I heard Jake clear his throat and I panicked. “Ahem. May I cut in?” Max and I instinctively jerked away. Feeling alarmed, I didn’t know how to explain what had just happened.

  “Of course,” Max spoke almost apologetically. He walked away, leaving his girlfriend with his best friend, not a glance back.

  Jake looked hurt and I stammered to get out an explanation. “Peter danced with me after you left and made me switch partners and told us to talk it out and… and…” Stuttering, I feared Jake’s response. Max and I were too close, too intimate with one another. I only corroborated Jake’s belief that I wasn’t completely over Max. As guilty as I felt, I couldn’t get off this emotional rollercoaster.

  “It’s okay, Emily. You don’t have to explain,” was his strained answer while pulling me into his chest.

  “I promise, I wasn’t trying …”

  “Shh, Emily, it’s alright.” His arms encircled me, protectively, possessively.

  “Nothing happened, I promise. I’m sorry.” I almost started to cry.

  “Emily. I wish I didn’t make you so anxious. It’s okay. I’m okay. You don’t need to apologize. Let’s go back to the table.” He stated everything so matter of factly, almost too stoically. My anxiety level climbed up another notch.

  Jake did his best to reassure me of his feelings but I couldn’t forget the betrayed look on his face. That momentary reaction explained more than anything he could’ve said to placate my feelings. Since the dance, I couldn’t decipher whether it was Max himself or nostalgia that confused my heart. These feelings that lingered didn’t pose a threat to my relationship with Jake, but I couldn’t deny the hurt that wouldn’t go away.

  “What will happen if I have to leave you early tonight?”

  “Do you have to leave?” My petulant tone turned Jake’s visible disappointment into an encouraged smile.

  “No, not yet. There’s a chance but I think it will be okay.”

  We were about to sit down when Jake’s pager went off again. Patiently I waited for Jake to return from his call and politely conversed with Jennifer who was also waiting for her date to return. I found out she was an orthopedic nurse and two years older than Max. With such an uncomfortable situation, she was a good sport talking with me. I was happy to see Max dating a sweet girl. She seemed good for him.

  Jake walked towards me and I had this nervous feeling I was going to be alone... again.

  “Hi. Done with your call?”

  “Yeah…” The way he said this made me feel even more uneasy

  “Oh, that doesn’t sound good,” I whined.

  “Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which do you want first?”

  “The bad.” Of course, I was always the pessimist.

  “I have to go back to the hospital,” he said quickly.

  “No!” I protested. “Not again. I thought you had the whole night off! Jake, we hardly ever get to see each other. I think I’ve seen you once a week in the last couple of months.” My protest was a bit unfair but I really didn’t want to be alone tonight, of all night.

  “I know and I’m sorry. I thought we’d be together tonight but my patient came back with complications and I need to go back into surgery now.”

  What could I say? A possible dying patient sat on the operating table waiting for his doctor while I fretted over my insecurities of sitting alone at a dinner table with Max and Jennifer. Pathetic. But… how was I going to get through the rest of the evening without him?

  I unhappily shrugged my shoulders and let him go. “Save another life tonight, Dr. Reid. I want to stop you but I can’t... I won’t.”

  He apologized again with both arms tightly wrapped around my body. “BUT... the good news! Chief gave me the whole weekend off so I’m taking you on a surprise trip. We’re going somewhere far where no one can call me back to the hospital. Can you be ready by 7:00am? I’ll pick you up at your house.”

  “Okay.” Still sounding glum, I couldn’t disguise my disappointment with Jake leaving me stranded at dinner again. “Where are we going?” As much as I tried to like surprises, they made me nervous. I didn’t like uncertainty. “How shall I dress? Is it going to be very cold?”

  “It’s always cold up there,” Jake slipped.

  “Up there?” I asked curiously. Obviously we were going up north but were we driving...? Flying? Suspense grew.

  “When will we be back? I assume we will be back tomorrow night?” I asked with more enthusiasm.

  “Do we have options? Can we stay the weekend? Would that be okay?” He sounded hopeful.

  I thought about what Jake had asked all too aware everybody at the table was listening and waiting for my answer. They all knew what my answer would’ve been if Max had asked me this same question back in college. They were curious to know if I’d changed in the almost two year absence.

  It was a simple answer, but I couldn’t immediately speak. A part of me wanted to spend the night with Jake. I felt safe with him. A part of me also wanted to hurt Max and say yes just to spite him. I knew it would be unfair to both men if I gave into my ugly side. Max watched me carefully. Eagerly, both men awaited my answer.

  “Um, no. I don’t think it’s wise for us to spend the night,” I said, relieved to speak my mind. Accepting my answer with a more than gentle kiss he relented to the pager that beeped endlessly.

  “Ok, Ok, I’m coming, people,” he answered back at his pager. “Bye,” he murmured stealing one more kiss, “I’ll miss you.” Before he left, he turned to Peter and asked if he would not mind giving me a ride home.

  “Please take care of her for me,” he added. “And please,” he whispered to me, “don't fall back into your ex’s arms after I leave.” We both laughed.

  “Sure will,” Peter obliged.

  As soon as Jake left, Peter turned to me. “Jake seems like a good guy. I’m relieved to know you’re dating someone who loves you.”

  It never occurred to me Jake might feel that strongly about me. I knew I couldn’t say I loved him yet. After all, we hadn’t been dating too long and this was the first time I’d opened my heart in a long time.

  “You s
eem to have a way of wrapping men tightly around your finger,” Peter noted.

  “Yeah, some good that does me in the end,” I retorted. I heard a low chuckle coming from everyone at our table except Max and Jennifer.

  Dinner was truly uncomfortable. We sat in a round of ten -Peter, me, an empty seat, Sarah, Charlie, James, Will, Christie, Max and Jennifer. Dinner was served. The roasted tomato soup went untouched. A cold, crisp beet and apple salad, nibbled. Filet mignon, new potatoes and sautéed veggie, a waste of money as I only finished the vegetables before having Peter finish the rest of my plate. I consumed some dessert and coffee along with two glasses of wine. It was no wonder my system wasn’t feeling well.

  After dinner, everyone started to mingle and dance again. Jennifer excused herself to use the restroom while the rest of our table, except Max, went to dance. Dreading the alone time, I got up to go anywhere and do anything but talk to Max.

  “How come you barely touched your dinner, Em?” Max pulled me back down with a caring yet guarded voice.

  “I wasn’t very hungry,” I answered softly.

  “You’ve lost so much weight. Are you okay? Have you been ill? You still look… beautiful.” His voice sounded wistful.

  With an intense glare I saw Max read my face. It was hard to hide anything from a man who had known me intimately for four years. No, I am not okay. You left me eighteen months ago without good reason and now I’m sitting here watching you with another woman. How can I be okay?

  My eyes teared as I saw the sadness in his eyes and I chose to turn away from our silent conversation. Muted, awkward distress, surprisingly couldn’t suppress the friendship, fondness and love that had lived between us for so many years. Even now, my heart felt glad to be here with him. My mind continued to dissect my heart. I couldn’t free my mind of the way it felt to be held by Max while we danced. His touch brought back so many wonderful memories. There was a part of me that wanted to be held by him again.

  Still, I was still angry at Max for kicking me out of his life so unexpectedly. How could a man who dumped me after four years of dating, sit here and feign to care for me? He didn’t care anymore and nor should I. I had Jake, and deep inside, I knew we would make this relationship work.